Are You Trying Too Hard? | Barbara Alexander

Imagine yourself working hard at something, like in a relationship or a career, and you find yourself baffled by the lack of progress in the direction you wanted to go.

In the past when this happened, I would try to figure out a solution. I would try this and try that, but when it didn’t work I was left frustrated and confused. I soon found that there was a very important message that I was missing as the discomfort continued to grow. I was trying too hard, and that was causing a disconnect from my ability to see the solution.

Ann, a client that came to a retreat awhile ago, had an opportunity to work with Zorro. She explained that she worked in an office with mostly male executives, and she was one of the few female executives in their company. For years she said she had tried to bring new ideas to meetings and to play peacemaker when things got out of hand in the office. She also said that for years she had felt her life energy draining from her each day and had come to the point where she was considering leaving her career altogether.

After getting very clear on what she wanted to know, Ann choose to work with an alpha gelding and she stood about twenty feet away from him in the arena. Her mind raced with the confusion in the office environment, the bickering, and the enormous levels of testosterone. Then she thought of the extreme effort she was making to try to fix things in the middle of the problem and how she had grown tired of the whole experience.

An interesting thing happened as she stood there watching him. The horse never moved, but he pinned his ears back, which is typically a sign of anger. It was as if he were standing there acting out the anger and testosterone imbalance Ann had just talked about but yet remained twenty feet from her. Ann watched and found herself wondering what she should do, but this time she just waited, she didn’t engage or try to confront the issue as she had frequently done in the office.

Within a few moments, it seemed like the energy completely shifted. The horse fully relaxed and slowly turned towards Ann. He walked very respectfully over to her, and when he got within a few feet, he stopped and stretched his neck out to gently reach her with gentle energy. She touched his face in gratitude and understood exactly what he was telling her.

Ann said that he had helped her see that she had been jumping into the frey. She went on to say that when she could observe the dysfunction from a distance and not person-ally engage when things were imbalanced, the testosterone would blow over and what was left was a more respectful space for healthy communication. She said it was all about patience.

Maybe, when we find ourselves trying too hard, we need to pull back, have patience, and allow things to unfold in a more balanced and healthy way for everyone involved.